They’re God’s Creatures, Too

We never did figure out who called the cops on my Grampa that Christmas day. I’d seen him march upstairs with a gun over his shoulder, but didn’t think much of it, given the chaos of a crowded family gathering. I was a kid; a few gunshots here and there hardly registered. No one heard […]

Please, Sir, May I Have Another?

“It was a perfect segue into the flogging.” I pass two men chatting at the gym as I trudge out of yoga class, just in time to overhear that remark. Yoga has not been a transcendent experience. The instructor is far too perky, far too talkative, far too fast — and, OK, far too young. […]

Merry Turkey Ghostmas!

Old man Sawyer around the corner had thousands of holiday lights up and blinking and cascading and color-changing on the day after Halloween. His grandkids’ jack-o’-lanterns gazed in astonishment from the stoop. Agnes down the street emptied out her side-yard shed shortly thereafter, and hauled the building around to the front of her house for […]

“Cozy Autumn Cuddle,” My Arse

It’s everywhere:  Pumpkin spice lattes. Pumpkin spice scones. Pumpkin ravioli. Pumpkin curry. Pumpkin oatmeal. Paleo pumpkin smoothies. Pumpkin pimped with prosciutto. I love it all, mind you (although Starbucks has no right to throw cinnamon and nutmeg in coffee and call it pumpkin anything). I could happily eat generic peanut butter for Thanksgiving dinner if […]

Mea Culpa, Mea Coffee, Mea Keurig

Husband and I are not necessarily a pretty picture first thing in the morning. It’s fortunate, as we groan at the alarm clock and grope blindly for our glasses, that all our edges are blurry. We both wear mouth guards to keep from grinding our teeth at night. Our dentist laughed, and suggested we make […]